There's times along my healing journey I've felt an internal battle going on. Old feelings of darkness, with the other of light and hope. How the two sides draw out very different approaches to life, and ultimately it is up to me to choose which approach I will take.
I've often lived the one in darkness, that led to anger, hostility, passive aggressiveness, hurting myself and my actions having a negative impact on others and relationships.
I've also lived the road of light and hope. Feeling love for life and all that comes my way, feeling lighthearted and easy going, an underlying of peace in everything I did and said.
What I've had to do is accept both sides of me. Accept these two wolves so to speak, that are inside me. They come about for different reasons, different experiences, different places and people. But both are completely ok. I can't live life in regret and be remorseful, since those experiences have taught me valuable lessons. Plus it has brought me to the place I am now in awareness, and fully loving and accepting myself, which is a true form of forgiveness.
In my readings by Jeff Foster, he shared an analogy of resistance as being an ocean, where some waves are welcome while others are not. We divide ourselves up into parts, accepting some parts while rejecting others. These are often based on old patterns and things we have been taught or conditioned to believe.
One of my greatest areas of resistance has been what I've called "negative feelings", feelings of helplessness when things don't go the way I want them to go, feeling resentful, upset, angry. Then these get fueled, because I'm putting all my attention on them and justifying them. On one hand there's nothing wrong with this, but the consequence is many experiences of pain and suffering. Lashing out at others and blaming them for a quick fix to re-affirm power, because I'm uncomfortable and feeling very helpless with these feelings, rejecting these waves in my experience. At war with myself.
But what I can do is have a deeper level as acceptance. Going back to the analogy of being the ocean, all waves are welcome. Then in the story of two wolves, I invest my time and energy on the waves that resonate the underlying experiences of peace, light, and hope. This is the journey of ending the internal war, accepting any feeling whether it's deemed positive or negative, as ok. No more running away, no lashing out, no quick fix or urgency to re-establish power during feelings of helplessness. It's a new approach to life, experiencing life in the fullest, and harnessing and empowering myself to decide where I will invest my attention, to have the inner peace within the path I'm also walking and experiencing on the outside, aligning my body, mind, and soul, as one. No more battles, as everything is ok, and accepted, at the deepest level. There's now no effort in acceptance, it is simply noticing life and all these waves are already accepted on the outer level, with no more need for any battles and inner conflict.