On my healing journey, I realized I've wanted to ignore the obstructions in my life that have to do with the heart. There's many obstructions there that are holding me back from experiencing and living life in unconditional joy and love. I've been reading more of Anthony De Mello's writings, and he went into detail on 4 truths that I've studied and have been open to applying it in my life.
1. I must choose between my attachment or happiness: There's past and current attachments I have carried, that I believed I needed in order to be happy. Such as living in a certain neighbourhood, having a certain job, needing to accomplish various achievements, needing various relationships and friendships. While on one hand they can be very rewarding experiences, I'm awakening to the fact they do not create my happiness. Otherwise it is a lost cause, if they aren't in my life then I'm miserable, unhappy, etc. I become a slave to conditions around me, and joy/love/happiness become dependent on something or someone.
2. Where did your attachment come from? You were not born with it. It's a lie that you have told yourself, without this or that I can't be happy: I've had to really look at my life and what I've experienced, and be willing to have an open mind that this is in fact true. There's times I wanted to put the blame on someone, something, some situation, that was causing my unhappiness. I've had to come to terms with the fact that I have been conditioned in many ways with this false belief and accepted it as normal. As I go through life with this false belief, I become co-dependent on someone or something, which leads to all sorts of dysfunction.
3. If you wish to be fully alive you must develop a sense of perspective. Life is infinitely greater than this trifle your heart is attached to and which you have given the power to so upset you: This has been very challenging at times, when I begin to get tunnel vision. Making one thing or another so important, that it MUST go this way or that way, in order for me to be happy with life. Then when it doesn't, I feel the extreme reaction of frustration, anger, and the belief life is unfair. Losing trust in Life and the Universe, that what's happening I can get through it, and be grateful they are challenges that are there to teach me something, rather than losing all hope and resisting life.
4. No thing or person outside of you has the power to make you happy or unhappy. You and only you decide to be happy or unhappy: When I first read this, my mind wanted to say "yeah, but you don't know what I've been through, you don't know what I've seen, you don't know what it's really like!". I want to automatically go into defense mode. But in his teachings, De Mello shares this is normal. For those that keep their guards up and don't want to look deeper at this, the suffering will continue, and when one is finally ready to let go of suffering, just on the other side is joy and love. No more needing to be a slave to conditions and demands on someone or something for joy, love, happiness. No more seeking, when it's already inside me. I just need to move the obstructions away of old beliefs, and let the truth of joy, love, happiness, emerge and shine through.